the end is nigh

i have no friends i have discovered.

i have driven them all away.

not surprising. i'm not a very nice person.
let me demonstrate.

in a recent event i apparently pissed off someone. instead of pulling me aside and talking to me or anything else, he has decided to end a campaign.

now i can understand wanting to end one. and certainly if you aren't having any fun. but it appears that there may have been something i could have done about it if i had only known.

of course i am too insensitive to have figured it out on my own. which is something i have always said. if you want me to know something, you have to tell me. otherwise i will never guess.

since things have gone down this way, i will probably be shutting down this blog. maybe i will start another. not that it will matter. no one reads it anyway. which is understandable, i am nothing if not inconsistant. but some of my associates know of it. since i am such a horrible person, i need to find myself a new space, where i cannot destroy anyone else's good times. a place where the only person forced to deal with me is me.

i have been accused of being a poor sport, of not being willing to sacrifice once in awhile.
to some extent i suppose that i am a poor sport. when i set aside an evening to play a game, i guess i expect to play that game. i like that game. we planned on that game. but i guess i wanted too much.
as for sacrificing, i guess it is best that none of them ever know how much work i turned down for those saturday evenings free to go play. i guess thats why i am such an asshole about wanting to play. as a free lancer, turning down work is the loss of something. but i always felt i was gaining something through those evenings of fun spent with friends.

i guess i was wrong. i was just making everything bad for others. i should have known.